We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
