He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
