there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
