party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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