That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
