I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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