The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
