Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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