Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
i need to put some appletini on your dick
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
