they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
