I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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