They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize