my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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