She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
