u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
