don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
