actually, I'm a sock model
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Randomize
