i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
my liver is dry heaving
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