we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
They are going to name an STD after you.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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