i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
