erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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