Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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