Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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