So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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