You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
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