Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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