this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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