He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
