Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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