Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
