Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
