How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
