member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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