This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
