Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
