It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
