So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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