We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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