is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
