sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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