Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
