I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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