I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
