Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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