billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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