After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
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We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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