The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
if only i could text you this smell
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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