i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
