I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
