I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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