Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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