the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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