Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Its about making memories worth repressing
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
