sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
