just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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