how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
is wine microwaveable?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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