Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We need a shit load of segways right now
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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