That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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