they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
As shirtless as possible
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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