he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
