she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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