So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My ass is underappreciated
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
