Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
