they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
