Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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