??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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