What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
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he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
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If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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