with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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