Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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